3.20.26 (posted on 4.1.26)
its 8:44 am on 3.20.26 and im typing in my notes app
i just woke up in florida
laying in a corner of dismantling memories
its weird, being in eves old childhood house and room
no one lives here anymore, and you can visually see the negligence.
eves room is half decorated, half taken away to decorate the current
handpicked memories removed while others sit.
its even wierder for me because my family moved across the country recently
my childhood house doesnt exist, my roots and past are physically completely gone,
but eves are here. this empty house is filled to the brim with life
with a tiny bit of curiosity you can see the building blocks of eve!
eve woke up now and is pissed im on my phone.

3.11.26
im so flipping anxious i might fucking explode. its the day of my first bar training shift.
super busy at work. going to jump right into the fire. cant wait but might cry. whatever
im an animal. anywho i actually wanted to get on here last night but decided not to.
basically i got home from work after a busy ass shift like all of them now and made myself
a martini with my old coworker and friend sunny's spec. eve drank a beer while reading their book
in our room while i just sat there listening to music eating olives and chips and drinking my
one martini. just sat there man and looked around. i havent been able to take a pause while im
also mentally there in a long time. it was incredible. i cant believe how flipping far i have come in a few
years. just sat there stared at all the little trinkets in me and eves apartment full of memories and just
greatfull maxed. i was listening to the same playlist i listened to last post, when i felt hollow.
whole different light! shit sounded so fantastic like the best playlist ive ever created.
i think thats very important. ive always said since i was a kid when fix you - coldplay was
my favorite song that there are no sad songs. all depends on how you want to hear it. sure somethings
might be easily heard as melencholic or drab, but change how you percieve it, i remember i would listen to that songs
somedays and it was gutwrenching, otherdays it was like rebirth and happiness. of course this is before
i knew i had problems with my emotions but really, everything everyday everywhere is all how we percieve it.
im going to go into work today and im going to fucking CRUSH it no matter what. cheers readers!

3.9.26
jesus christ how has it almost been a month!
hello,
im here again. its 12:16 am was about to go to bed but just need to write something
do something, idk anything. feeling very similar in a sense to last months post.
brain is just a blank space. idk feel so just nothin going on.
been so insanely busy with work that my brain has just been wired on this constant
push super hard, get daily feeling of reward. push super hard, get quick feeling of
accomplishment. so much so that on my one day off (yesterday now i guess) i dont
even know how to emotionally and mentally be there. im just absent. floating somewhere.
did nothing today, but i did do my laundry i did make a design for a friend, i did
pick up pizza for me and eve and make us breakfast. why do i just feel like i did nothing
and am nothing. no idea. just needed to type and publish something, to maybe feel
something. well anyways i gotta say something about music to not just fully make THIS
a diary, im currentlly listening to my playlist on spotify called how to be chill while sporting life
its a playlist of just crisp melodic drone sounds. exactly how my brain feels. just a
monotone drumming of instruments playing with no end, no chorus, no crishendo (idk how to spell that)
just drumming along. i say all of this but life is going incredibly well and
alot is in the progress. i guess ive just been progressing and grinding so much that
i forgot how to operate in standstill (if you can even call today that) yep thats it.
going to bed with the last song playing being where i end and you begin - radiohead
but actually i did hear one incredible song today while me and eve parallel worked at the
mega desk. its called i wear a shirt that says australia - champion trees
fucking fantastic song. incredible. so europeon. or australian. cant tell but strongly both.
yea this will be the song i end on. incredible. listen to it now. cheers!

2.16.26
i dont wanna go to work. jk im blessed to go to a great job.
today i just feel lazy tho, feels like i forgot to do something..
cant think of what it is. im listening to summer babe-winter version - pavement
its fine. i heard it last night after my all time favorite cary the zero - built to spill
played and it sounded better. prob just cuz that built to spill song is so damn good
and was lingering. fat and skinny asses - piebald just came on this ones fire.
anywho i have to pee just wanted to come in here and say something. built to spill ya they
are the best thing ive ever seen live and ive seen bladee outside at sunset.
bawld my eyes out that whole concert. (for built to spill) vibrations man. 4 tall boy pbrs
might have played a role in that too.. beer. too lazy to talk well right now. feels very
monotone in my brain. just meh. time to go to work.

2.10.26
well it actually just turned to the 10th its 12:42 am
listening to yung lean - agony because i started freaking out and
i guess i just wanted to feel worse. feel like shit. just feel like fucking ass shit
I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT. im chill i just looked at my recent art work too much.
shit is fucking fuck ass man what the fuck am i doing anyways. im just joking
im just being dramatic. why cant i even allow myself to just feel like shit.
im not joking and i fucking hate this shit and i want to blow everything ive
ever made up.
ok songs on its second run i feel better. im sure ill like how it looks tomorrow. anyways
who cares though right. i make shit for the release right. shits not supposed to makes
me need to release again later right.? well it is and what the hell does that mean.
this song is so good. i made an video to this song when i was in highschool and
i think about it often. here it is: https://www.instagram.com/p/BmY1bH0BI9_/
so much pain man. these feelings spike like spears flying into me
and i grab the spear and just stab myself all over again and again i just want to know im here

this song named so well. me and all the homies when we were like 17 would just
sit back and listen to this like it was the most profound and depressing thing in the
world coming home from the skatepark. what a bunch of idiots xD here i am alone at 25
doing damn near the same thing but this time im typing to myself. xD

2.9.26
hello. yo!!!!!! help me i have started to casually play cs again but its very hard to play
casually.. thinking about eating the block of tofu in the fridge and working on a t-shirt
design for my friends band Left On Read. ate the block of tofu.
right now im listening to 波兰首都是上海 - yourboyfriendsucks a song i used to bump
all the time but just appeared on my spotify daylist (titled: chinese taiwanese indie sunday morning)
which is interesting cuz its monday...
thats about it. just wanted to make a post before work
now a song called stay/stayaway - yourboyfriendsucks is playing. in the middle of thats
eve came out and turns out my kettles been whistling for a while xD my music was too loud
whoops. that songs fire tho

ok im back after a 20 min music search break. ended up listening to a current favorite
pennybox - racecourse and i think this song helped bring me back to what i wanted
this blog spot to be. a place where i can put my emotions into words when im overwelmed with
passion. this song is incredible, this song is the kind of song that makes you want to getting
up and chear for all the things you have been thru in life, good and bad, and all
the amazing and creative things you will do in life.

WOA HOLD THE PHONE! found an incredible singapore indie band called vegtable
please look them up this cover art for through the motions is unbelievable

2.4.26
yo i am currently listening to last night i dreamt that sombody loved me - the smiths
and yep this one is just too good. could just sit here and listen to this one. thats what im doing
think ill try to compile my favorites of all time here, just so i can remember too.

now im listening to dancing in the club - mj lenderman version and juice (my cat)
is walking all over my keyboard and getting hair everywhere. this song makes me bounce around
in my chair. basically though writing all of this thinking of music,

impossible germany - wilco

is still the best thing ive heard in a damn long time. you can just hear the passion in it. real bands,
with real care and talent. sometimes everything just lines up and a magnum opus is born.
shit makes me legit bawl, i be crying like a baby hearing something so beautiful. just a giant release of
all of their passion and love and pain, you can feal it! the vibrations are so releasing that you just flipping
start bawling!!! thats some real shit right there.
and man. that half song guitar solo...
and i got this damn haircut and now none of my clothes or body feel right.

its nighttime now, 11:56pm to be exact, i think this might just become my diary.
anywho i was listening to that smiths song again and it reminded me of eves favorite show twin peaks.
next thing you know i found myself down a rabbit hole on r/twinpeaks in a discussion about
music that reminds people of the show, which lead me to:
the funeral party - the cure and wow
what a great song to end the day to.
me and eve just ate way too much fried rice that i made and are just lounging listening.
box wont stop meowing at the door.